I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
