where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
