He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
