My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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