I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
