i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
