I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Please don't give away my fajitas
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
