I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
