May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
