when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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