and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
