he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
