Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How does it feel to date your dad?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
