btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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