Define "chronic" masturbator.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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