My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
