Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
