According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
