1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
