just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
