P.S. I can't hear my feet
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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