using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
