um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
