I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
