The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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