I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary