mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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