No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
