her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Two words: blizzard sex
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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