NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
