I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
