Porn is love you can see.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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