Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
