I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize