sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
