I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
