i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
