Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
