Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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