I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
