He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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