I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
