We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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