At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
