oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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