I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
do herpes really smell.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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