its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
