you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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