There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
