i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
