His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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