I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
