so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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