Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
