I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
