I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
