This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
