Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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