you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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