why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
