So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am one with the molecules
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
