Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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