Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
