the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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