We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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