Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
