I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You made out with two different species that night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
