I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
