I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
