Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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