***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
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