I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
