you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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