I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
