her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
