did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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