Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
