Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
