i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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