Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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